Fear

Fear...
For some of us fear is something we occasionally face, with the intention of proving that we are stronger than we really believe we are. For others is a place, a person, or a situation in which we have no control, so we sometimes look it in the eye and sometimes we hide. For the few unlucky ones, fear is something completely different. It's a car, it's a bridge, it's a war, well really it's almost EVERYTHING.
There are phobics, hypochondriacs, and paranoid delusionists who perhaps can explain it better, but there's just some people who are terrified of fear.
"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself."
It's been said and repeated to the point where we all have heard this. But what about those who really get it?
When we are young, we drive fast, we drink lots, we smoke, we live hard. We don't really think anything will happen. Why would we, we see the odds right?
How many things does it take to turn our carefree minds into complete agoraphobics?
For me, it was just one.
Failure.
Then a plethora of bad shit hurdled at the fan and made me want to stay there. The big realization was "It CAN happen to me"
So where does that leave me?? It leaves me fighting. Fighting friends, family, and everyone around me trying to convey that it really is ok to just be here...inside.
I don't want to die. I'm not sure anymore that I even want to know how far away death is. I don't want more tests, no more poking, no more prodding and NO MORE people telling me it could be something worse than what they thought it was previously!!
After tomorrow, no more.
After tomorrow I just want to live my life.