wake/awake

I'm preparing to leave for my father's wake now. I don't know what to expect.
I think of the term insomniac and why I chose it. At the time it had to do with my being in physical pain and not having medication to help cope. But now I know that it meant more. At the time I started this blog I felt sorry for myself. I was dealing with some serious illnesses and I knew in my heart that there was more coming. I blamed my father. After all, he's native american and my diabetes is directly related. I also spent that time looking him up again. I contimplated filing a law suit for child support that I never recieved...not for the money but for a chance to make him face me. I wanted to be seen. I AM HERE. no one sees me though. Today they will all see me. I don't know what will happen. But I am Insomniac...I am fully awake. Awake today they will look at me...they will see my eyes, my hair, my smile, my tears...today they will see me...and although they are in their own pain, for a moment they will see mine. I hope they feel it, I hope they know for a moment, or have even a glimpse of what they have done. That's all I need...I don't want them to continue hurting...just feel me for a moment...me wide awake.