Closing

I have certainly learned more than I'd ever thought I'd get to in the last few days. The wake went mostly better than I'd expected. I was actually hugged by the woman who haunts me in my dreams. But I met my sisters and brothers. Wow, they are a fine looking bunch. My sisters are beautiful! I also met one of my father's very good friends. He clung to me, it was odd but he felt like as much of an outcast as I did. I don't know why, and really don't think I want to. It was nice tho, to not feel so alone thru this. I also met/remet 2 of my aunts, and got such a great reception. They were oh so kind to me and I can't wait to see them again. I also found my "person" By that I mean the one person in your gene pool that you just resemble enough that people notice...this is very common for most people but not me ..I never looked like any I knew..it was a lonely place. However that's more than changed...My Aunt Clarissa (cookie) wow...she had my nose, eyes and crooked smile and she was wonderful!
The funeral was the next day, but I didn't make it. I wanted to. I got up to hearing the phone ring then Ryan came in and told me his grandfather died about 2 hours earlier...unexpectedly.
We were still planning on attending, however. We got ready (a bit late but not too bad) and we were walking out the door when I noticed the bottom of my dress had a 3 inch tear at the bottom. It was too late to change, so I decided to buck it up and go as is...until....we got to the car and saw that we had a flat tire. That was it, destiny was to yell at me no louder, I got it. I told him we're just not going, and that's that.
since then, we've just worked on getting through this, and having some family time. We needed the distraction. I know he's getting a lil tired of hearing stuff about my family and how I feel, so I've tried to back off some...it's so hard though because I NEED to talk and rationalize this whirlwind and I've got no one to talk to. I really missed my mom today. She's in Az at my sister's and won't be back til next thursday.
I had a fight with my other sister a couple days ago too. She has a different father, one she's known all her life.. sure he's not the father of the year...(ok that's just being nice...he's crap) but I would think that she would call me upon hearing that my father died, and tell me that she loved me but she only called my mother to see if she knew...when I got upset about it, she brought up some joke when I teased her for sending me right-wing'd political stuff like it was something horrible I did? wtf?? anyway...so she wasn't in the least bit sorry for not calling, or certainly never hinted that she was. fin~
So lastly, trying to bring this blog back to where it was, I noticed that the night I couldn't keep those french doors closed, was Wednesday, the day my father died (found out friday) and oddly enough, the doors haven't opened again since.